Parenthood is a Constant and Continual War of Attrition

This is the Face That Gets All the Binkies.

Jooste Household, Philadelphia, PA

December 2013

BAM!

Another binky hits the floor in protest. The sound echoes through the apartment and hits my eardrum like a sledgehammer. This is a new game: throw the binky on the floor, mom or dad comes in to retrieve it, clean it, and replace it. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Eventually, sleep takes over, and during the night, the evening’s shenanigans are forgotten until the following evening, when –

BAM! It begins anew.

At some point, I know, I know, we should let her cry, not return the binky, assert our authority and enforce proper bedtime routine. But for now, neither of us want to. Just – because.

So we keep going back, stroking her forehead, kissing her cheek, replacing the binky, for hours some nights, because this is how we choose to show our infant that we will come for her if she needs us, even if she just wants to look at our faces and know we are still there.

This is a war my husband and I win each and every night, until she finally falls asleep, and exhausted and spent, we collapse on the couch or in bed, and look at each other and smile. She was so tiny and helpless just a little while ago. Now, she’s asserting agency over her world and showing a healthy amount of sass.

It also makes us happy to know we can soothe her so easily – with a hug, a kiss, and a clean, fresh binky. It won’t always be this easy. People will tease her, and people will break her heart. It will only get more complicated, the more she grows and comes into her own in the world.

So for now, my little one gets her binky. She gets all of the binkies.

But we still win. Because she falls asleep eventually. Usually.

(She’s really winning, isn’t she. Don’t tell her parents).